Not supposed to be here

Well, technically I should not be here. I should be at the other table, revising for upcoming exams. I should be reading about realism, liberalism, marxism, internationalisation, globalization, constitutionalism. Big words, hard to swallow.

Last night, I FINALLY finished my research paper for India civilizational studies. 24 pages in total, inclusive of bibliography. About 9500 words. Took me 1 month of research and many sleepless nights of writing and rewriting. But finally! It's done! The sense of achievement was so great, it made me feel that having no time to study for exams was ALMOST worth it. That's the thing about writing essays. Then I suddenly recalled my secondary school days, where I had to force myself to sit still in order to solve those mathematical sums in front of me. I'll try my best, then I'll tear my hair out, scream, cry, swear. Damn it, Damn it, I'll cry. I'll feel all stupid and dumb and lousy, that the answers don't come to me as easy as it does for the others. Traumatic days. I remember being angry at myself and envious of Shuyu Chan, Shiqi and rainbow. They seemed so smart. If not for Silin with me in my maths class, I guess I would just have disintegrated in misery. Haha.. See Silin, you played such an important role in my life then! Haha.. Still do, by the way. In retrospect, I guess I am just not someone who has the innate ability to resolve things, to fix. Yet, Writing an essay is by no means an extraordinarily easy task, instead its perhaps much more difficult than churning out maths answers. But there's something special about writing. About producing. Every word that I envision now immortalised in pen/microsoft, there's a meaning to this endeavour. It makes me feel alive, more alive than I can ever be. It's this ability to craft languange that's so precious. I don't know if anyone else understands.

Anyway, despite everyone's comments that I should quit the programme that I'm in, because its just so darn stressful and tough, I've at least survived till now. Hopefully my CAP for this sem will be satisfactory.

Oh, and congratulations to darling Wuya! Thanks also for calling all of us when you finished your paper! Even though we have not spoken for ages, the fact that you called, awww. I melted at your sweetness. See you soon! To all the others - hang in there for exams. This sem is almost heaving to a close! I'm so glad.

Lots of love,

Mich =)