Languishing.

Argh...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I am so sian leh I tell you. I can't describe to you guys how sian I feel. It is as if life is ebbing OUT of me and I am simply languishing, dying, fading, weakening, losing. That vivid spark of energy dissipating. It's just 1 month away. But time seems to have a funny way of peeping over our shoulders and reminding us painfully that the A levels is approaching.

I STILL don't know how I did for Prelims. According to my teachers, my performance was disappointing. It made me think. " Performance". Are we just actors, thespians on this stage and our performance rendered successful or unsuccessful by the applause or non-applause of the audience? Why should we be subjected to the expectations of others? It reminds me that time is running out for me. My performance in this stage is only temporary and transient. I will be kicked out of stage soon if I don't perform. And performing is the only thing I can do now.


Hmm.. Rainbow, you know what? My class is directly opposite in behaviour to yours! Today we had a mini Sports day where we flocked to our friend's hse in Bukit Timah to play basketball, soccer and to swim. Before that we had lunch at this place which is supposedly the first creator of Milo Dinosaur. During our lunch, we talked about our holiday plans as though A levels already over.

Later, me and 2 of my friends explored the Malayan Railway that was apparently linked to Keppel Road. The railway tracks still work! It's so interesting. We walked on old beaten tracks and savoured the antique-looking guard house with its little
windows and old-fashioned fans. Abandoned tyres, railway seats and tangled wires decorated the ground where tiny sparrows perched and hopped about them with such tameness and innocence. When we accidentally went over the lines, the Malay guard shouted at us and ordered us off the track. Haha... Later, we walked further down the track with jungle at our sides. There was a HUGE, GIANTIC blue house with the borders made so high that nobody could climb over it. The ever-watchful camera gave us a piercing stare. Later, to our greatest joy, the TRAIN ARRIVED! We were so darn lucky! The train was very much vacant and I remembered seeing the Malay guard who shounted at us forbeing in the front of the train. It was a beautiful train. It looked neat and non-imposing but rather out of place with the urban sprawl about us. With blue and grey lines etched by its sides, the railway tracks shook under its weight. People in the train were in amusing positions. Some of them had their heads on the windows with one lady having a mouth opened so big that I swear I could just throw a cockroach in without her even knowing. Others were at attentive positions and they smiled at us with a look of knowingness that we belong to the present urbanized world while they, choosing such an outdated mode of transport were simply time travellers to the past, anachronisms. We waved to them like some crazy obsessed teenagers and they waved back... Haha... It was really very fun. The whole experience overwhelmed me with nostalgia for the past, for what is old where what is now abandoned and unwanted is actually loaded with meaning. When I see old places, I think of the people past who sat in those seats and I imagined them with flowerly dresses and tall hats that characterized the 60s and I try to think of what they would have said to each other. They are like ghosts that are never exorcised because they remain etched as memories to the railway rain, to the tracks, to the jungle, to the people who still run them. But they are in risk of being forgotten, being wasted and vanishing in the cesspool of history.

Hahaha... Ooppps. Perhaps you guys see me as being too " literary". But I hope you guys learn to love the past too. Anyone wants to visit old places with me after A levels? I can bring you guys around Singapore. But it is only for the adventurous hor...... Not for shopping lovers. HAHA.



ARRRRR...... SEE you guys around!