Friends are one of the greatest gifts that life has ever bestowed upon me.

Scrolling through past posts and reminiscing our lives 5 years ago triggered intense nostalgia in me. I laugh at how we lament about the stress of school, detail what happened during our gatherings and post all other random rantings about our lives then. It was a time before the invention of Whatsapp and its myriad of social media counterparts so blog was a way for us to stay up to date with each other's lives. Medieval, huh?

As I savour the memories which details have since blurred, I begin to think about how different we are now from 5 years ago, especially myself. The 'me' then seems so distant, I almost forgot (partly owing to the fact that I really dislike taking pictures of myself) that there was time when I looked like that - barely any make-up on my face and all. Then I saw one of the (rare few) posts I wrote during my first year in SMU, sharing my somewhat idealistic and naive belief that I do no want to be constantly competing with others and try ways and means to outdo them. I want to shed tears for the 'me' that has vanished but I want to scoff at that 'me' at the same time. Life is full of contradiction, isn't it?

Ever since graduation, I always look back at my days as a student with a sense of longing and a tinge of sadness because what's passed is past. Perhaps reminiscence of a time when the world was supposedly a better place makes my dissatisfaction with current life more justifiable. Growing up does take away something from me, bit by bit, and some realisation are indeed hard to swallow. I often find myself questioning life when I come across something ugly, despicable and atrocious in life, wishing that I have never grown up so that I can remain oblivious to them permanently. It is especially demoralising when the people behind all that ugliness are thriving in the society and it often prompts me to think 'Should I be like them?'.

As I continue my struggle in life as no amateur in the society but no veteran to brave through the battlefield with confidence that I will not lose myself along the way, I never fail to be overwhelmed by gratitude and love whenever my dear friends come to my mind. It is more than heart warming and touched, beyond lucky and honoured that all of you always have my back then and now despite my fiery temper and vicious tongue. After we have outgrown the writing of letters and cards and postcards and notes to each other, I cannot recall the last time I expressed my thoughts and feelings to my friends on the little yet significant things that they have done for me so I think it is about time.

My dear friends, your moral support has been a great source of strength for me over the years. I know you may not be in favour of my decisions at times, but you chose encouragement over reprimand on occasions when you know that the former was what I need. You take on the role of a disciplinarian with brutal honesty when you feel that it will do me good to face up to reality even if I may be upset or hurt, and I truly appreciate that because I know how tough and unrewarding it is to play the bad guy. We are all children to each other in some ways, aren't we?

Finally, please continue to make my life even more awesome in the many years to come.

p.s. The intention of this post was not to bemoan life but to appreciate life, though the tone may sound depressing. I have just read a fiction about how time has changed friendships and it stirred up sea of emotions in me so that may have spilled over to my writing. Nevertheless, I hope you do feel the warmth and happiness in this note.

With gratitude and love,
xin