Waiting

Today is a good day for writing.

It's been too long since I endeavoured to sit down just to pen my thoughts. Usually I let my thoughts crowd around in random clusters or worse, in tattered and torn shreds. Reminds me of how patients with cancer scream when they comb their hair only to discover loose shreds of hair on their hands. That's how my thoughts integrate, and then disintegrate. See, even as I am writing this, my thoughts swirl haphazardly in different directions.

Life's different now. I think many of you would agree with me. Life now is somewhat mundane. Or perhaps even this word, "mundane" is a severe understatement. I remember a conversation I had with Shuyu where we talked about the meaning of life. She said there was no meaning in Life. I disagreed violently. How can we ever live without comprehension of what we are to be living for? Now, it feels that Life itself is an empty void. EMPTY. and VOID.

I struggle to understand the void.

I wrestle with meaning, or the immense lack of it.

People ask. What makes you live and breathe? Michael Jackson sings about it in his songs. Living, not existing he affirms.

If we are all passengers waiting for the next train, the questions are:
Which train should we take and why?
What should I do when i am in the train?
Why should I even have to board the train?
Who will be on that train?

Perhaps the most imperative question is.

When will the next train come?

I remember telling Silin how I absolutely adore old places. Places where the jungle consumes the concrete, the paint peeling, the ceilings marred and the walls echo when we speak. I think of old places and I imagine old souls traversing between. Perhaps, some still lingering. They have gone on to take the next train. Some still painfully waiting.


Anyway, here's something that I used to like on a journey on a previous train.

Forgotten all about it before, now it appears again.


Desiderata by Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there maybe in silence.
As far as possible without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither by cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchanment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrending the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

This poem was written by a man who lived hundreds of years ago. But his advice is still very much valid today.

Good day.